Had The Most Amazing Night-out in Forever.

Saturday was completely out of control… 

The scary part is that I have no memory of how we exited the club and arrived at this guy friends’ place in the city. The part that me being so numb and drunk terrifies me. It scares me so much the next day that I had no recollection of my actions at all. I was being told that I was slapping my friend in the club and doing all the drunken things I have no memory of. Pretty mind-blowing, not that I wanted.. When I started being consciously aware was when we got to the apartment. So the entire time being in the car when my friend was driving, how I found people, walking out of the building and riding in the car or any interactions with anyone was all memory blank. I only remember that I started asking “how did we get here.” i mean it was pretty adventurous and amazing in a funny way. I guess it was already around 3-4 am. It is funny that we ended up being in a house that I thought was so familiar and nice but at the same time I would not have thought of coming and staying in here.

So, I completely blacked out in the club. I was experiencing memory blanks. I have no memory of what happened and what I have done at the time. It was ridiculous. But first of all, I had no intention to become blackout. I would have never figured out that I have reached this high level of intoxication. Crazy! I usually have had about the same amount of alcoholic drinks, and it never did this to me. ( I never needed to drink with chaser but this time i did, this just shows me that how i'm getting worse at drinking.)

But very much in moderation now and I must admit, I have a lot more fun on nights out if i could at least aware of what I'm doing. Kinda makes you wonder why I drank so much in the first place. I mean, i didn't think it was a lot? My entire thought process was to drink this much at once, get buzzed so we can have fun, and we will all sober up in 1-2 hours.

Aside from engaging in questionable behavior that I'd likely regret...

I would not say what I actually remember was meaningful..... I don't know, we were just so drunk even though this might seem ungraceful? but I've have the most amazing one in forever. After I started to realize that we were at someone's place, things continue to be enthusiastically fun to me but we generally got clumsy. It was not disappointing but what I have memory of what happened was, so, so amazing. The intoxication gets between me and the experience. We passed out then woke up, besides from feeling hella sick, It felt so fulfilling enough for me at the time. It was just so amazing though ..

A Glimpse of Finals Week on Sanpchat & Break

 
 

I was just looking at some of the snaps I snapped on Snapchat during finals week.. the entire week was stressful as hell for a slacker like me who just crammed the week before finals. I couldn't get anything off of my mind. t started having no life and eating frozen food for three days straight. Caffeine every morning and night, like hella. And no gym for 2 weeks that is for sure. I wouldn’t have needed to let all this happen if I just never procrastinated.. 

I’m never letting this happen again! I can screw up the first quarter because then I have the second and the third quarter to raise my GPA back up by the end of the Spring! I don’t think my grades could be too bad though… I just saw that I got a 80% in my Journalism class. I was hella excited when I found out… I seriously thought that I was in the edge of getting a C-. SO, I’m pretty glad. And I’m now still very anxious to view my other two grades. They have not been posted yet and i seriously don’t even feel like knowing what I got.. so soon. ugh. Just thinking about how I rarely put in an effort consistently in history and media classes, I only expect that I pass, then I would be satisfied..!

And then there is commitment issues. After seeing how a couple of my friends are involved in different organizations and enjoying the experiences, it made me feel horrible. Next quarter, I definitely need to be more involved in school, I’ll see how things go… In the beginning of the quarter was so chill that I could attend any events and participate in various activities on campus. The most funny thing is that I was able to get up 4 AM to do Rowing practice for two weeks, until I started pulling all nighters for my classes, which is after midterms, I stopped going to practice. I also did get ONE job interview at Brens Event center which I realized that I was not even prepared enough to work there. not sure if it is good or bad.. i did get to drink a lot a lot.. though .. it was so crazy that i think it has ruined my brain functionality over time? Now that the stressfulness is all over. I definitely regret that I didn’t stay committed in Rowing. I definitely missed out a lot… But more things to come next quarter…just need to make sure that I stay on top of readings and everything.

Suicide Hill

A view of all of Irvine at Suicide Hill. I can see the ARC! Next time I’m coming here to workout…

Moderately ashamed of myself

But i'll get everything together in the end.

no really.. my final exams next Monday & Tuesday. I want to do well.

The original goal of meeting that 3.5 GPA in the beginning of the quarter probably is not going to happen in the end of this quarter. I have been getting Cs in my papers. Forget about wanting to be a part of the honor's society ... what a laugh. Academically, I have always been above average in overall. I'm seriously not that of a top or best student, and I don't strive to be that either. 

In my media studies class, I get decent scores like 96-100% in my quizzes on the bright side, but i've missed two of them out of 6. And i'm still waiting to see my grade for the last paper analysis in the class.

And I have been slacking off terribly when i'm supposed to follow every class' reading in history. I just naturally end up searching for things that aren't related to the subject.. the worst that can happen to me is that I would be staring at some pictures for hours.  By the time I've spent enough time on the "not important" things, it's already time to sleep. So i would make a cup of coffee, after sips of it, I would lay down with my phone and comfortably get knocked out without even noticing. Waking up at 6 am, think that I am intelligent enough to just power through the rest of the essays before class in a few hours. Then I would be asking my instructors for extensions to turn in them research papers late. Thankful that it's usually accepted with the excuse I come up with.

Yesterday I went printing the lecture outline notes for this class for the first time when most of the people have already been doing that since week 2. That should be helpful to get things done and study now we're in week 10. I haven't finished researching rap music and the slang language, it gets tedious that I actually have to find an linguistic expert and some international students to interview for journalism final project that I'm writing a literary article.

 I think i'm going to get all Bs. Maybe one A- if I Ace the final exam. I'm still learning to be responsible.

This week should be the death of me, probably no gym time so no cooking for me. Now onto everything else I am trying to get done. Time to stay in, read PDFs, catch up on reading and lectures that I have not been paying attention to, and write the baby version of the paper I actually want to write.

Literary Journalism on Monster and Planet

In “Mrs. Kelly’s Monster”, one example I found of Franklin using a metaphor to move forward the story is when he points out Mrs. Kelly’s medical issues. For example, he uses the “pop, pop, pop” sounds to describe the sounds of the heart monitor. On page 101, “The heart monitor pop, pop, pops with reassuring regularity.” I found it interesting that this use of sound to describe heartbeats helps the reader to be aware of what is happening at the moment - it effectively gives the readers an impression how Mrs. Kelly is having her surgery at the time. This is a good way to keep the reader present to the situation and to help them avoid getting lost in the complexities of neuroscience and the surgery. It keeps the reader grounded. I like the way that this author moves through the story by using descriptive techniques in the personal essay form. Throughout the piece, the use of vivid imagery keeps the reader to engage in the story of what is being presented. I can definitely learn how to incorporate this in my writing to make it interesting and creative when it comes to literary techniques.

Looking at “Mr. Bellow’s Planet,” was challenging to learn about Staples as I thought his writing style is kind of confusing and a bit rambling. The words Staples chose to use when describing and comparing things are so abstract but also truly described the thoughts of Staples and how he dealt with the world around him.There was the description of life in Chicago, the issues of racism that are presented, and the general idea of the writer’s process. The tone of the article was somewhat satirical as the readers are able to visualize or imagine Staples’ mind and put themselves in his place.

There are some metaphors and analogy, and creative language frequently used in the stories, which is something I want to learn to do in writing my story though I do find challenging to write in creative style as it takes a lot of imagining process. The process of creativity work of a story- getting great ideas- where we also have to detail in our own experiences to form deeply personal perspective, and have vivid imagery and abstract word choices.

Narrating a journal, meaning creative writing, is not as much of a practical bent as an academic essay articles. Writing a narrative journal is just not as the same as writing an academic essay or a regular journalism. It isn't just about the facts. Honestly, I think that trying to make something real into something artful is extremely difficult for me. As this piece contains a lot of descriptions and extremely detailed, it shows me how I could effectively find that direction to reach reader's interest.

But no doubt that, both disciplines- journalist and creative writer can learn from each other. Creative writers can learn from the journalist’s ability to promote themselves and to be concise, while journalists can learn from the creative writer’s ability to engage with their subjects in a deep way. That is how they combine into a literary journalist; 'literary journalists' conduct their work requiring both of these disciplines and skills. 

Boba on campus

I think it is so funny that how there are quite a few people on Facebook Transfer group page actually nagging and complaining about the club fundraisers selling boba at their vendors on Ring Road. I definitely agree that those sellers seriously are way too passionate and intense, and dedicating hours of shouting”boba two dollars” on campus. They do need to learn to calm down and stop desperately bugging people to ‘have to’ buy their boba. But not all tents are selling boba, there are also a whole bunch of different type of food, desserts and drinks that are also always yelling for fundraising too, like Kbbq, tacos, chicken bbq, pad thai, mocha, green tea, mocha, creps smoothies, lemonade.. etc. It is just that the most common and popular selling drink probably is milk tea boba, which it is always involved in almost every club fundraiser’s booth.  

I kind of just want to say that I’m actually pretty grateful that there are boba on campus for $2. Some of you should really appreciate that though. There aren’t only just milk tea boba, but there are also taro and thai tea. You just have to find the vendors that have different flavors because some sell Milk tea boba only. I always get the taro one when I come across to the vendors. They are my favorite flavor after thai tea.  For reals, i’m just saying that those people who are complaining about not having different flavors should at least feel glad that they sell boba on campus. There isn’t EVEN any other places that sell boba for this price. I’m just saying. The closest place to campus that sells boba is cha, which is super pricy and is NOT even good. And it’s pretty damn true that all boba sell out after 2 or 3pm, so it proves that there are a lot of us on campus do buy them. Some of these people are way too overgeneralizing and close-minded about these whole boba selling vendors. There isn’t really much to vent about besides some sellers need to calm down. Like we all can’t stand that the sellers become too desperate and obsessed, but don’t forget though, about that we are getting these drinks for a pretty good deal if you just think about it..only if you love to drink boba.

She cares/worries too much about me sometimes.

Last Friday, I got like over 6 missed calls from my roomate while she was at one of my friends’ place, and I was supposed to be there. I was just drinking in our own place and hanging out with one of my guy friends… and I know she was kind of worried that something might have gone wrong between me and my friend! I guess I shouldn’t have told her that how awkward I felt, or she wouldn’t keep thinking about me that night. But i knew what I was doing, nothing bad happened at all. I also kept getting texts that asking me if I was okay….. It’s really funny how we all over think something and actually imagine that something bad might happen when everything is just fine. It really can ruin a good time..

I just agree that my friend is really assertive but maybe the alcohol also cause some people to be over- reacting and twisting things around in their mind. I feel pretty awful to let my friends worry about me. But seriously, i’m an adult and that night, I was pretty cleared that I just wanted to chill with my friend for a bit. Apparently, I’ve already known my friend; he wasn’t a stranger that I just met. They really shouldn’t have worried about it… or even ruined a good time.

NorCal-Sick

First time ever I feel homesick for some places back in northern California. “dammn…. I never knew I can be ‘homesick’ for a city…” It is in this strangest moments that hits me. I just saw a picture of the San Francisco Bay area, and it looks so beautiful and reminds me of so many things… makes me long to be there. 

It is different here. I insanely miss the vibe, the smell..,the breeze.. the people, the music and the clubs, and the weather over there.. And wearing a hoodie sweater here in the morning reminds me of SF. I miss the bridges and the ocean, I miss the buildings in the city so much and driving pass all of them. I miss trying pho restaurants. I miss driving my ghetto car and hustling. And I miss the ratchetness in people at night clubs. I miss faster cell phone connection and wireless internet on my phone, because there is no wifi at my place and there is very little cell phone reception. My iphone’s signal always appears to be one or two bars. Also, I miss walking my dog very very very very much. I want a picture/ video with him. I miss having a whole night time to type out my feelings on tumblr. But now, I rarely got any chill time to do so. And I seriously miss working out everyday crazily especially going outdoor running and sweating like CRAY.  Here at school, there are a lot of things going on every night. I would get hit on about parties on weekends and events. It’s very tempted to not stay home. During weekdays, I have no time to think about home. I either try to fix my own food or try to concentrate on what homework is due tomorrow while roommates are here. But then, when days like Sunday right now, I don’t know how to start my paper, and two of my roommates are at Hoodie Allen’s concert for the day, I finally get to quiet down myself and blog about my random state of mind and the city that I miss.

 I know this is weird. I know before I moved down to Irvine, I’m always convinced that how great and grand it’ll be to drop everything and leave for something new and fresh. And when I get down here and try to settle, I realize that the nest I had back home is just what I’m much more used to. Not that I don’t enjoy being in Irvine, everything is fine. Opportunities are everywhere. I love it here, but I love SF more. I’m just kind of self-fish. I want these two areas to only be close together so that I can enjoy being in both places at once. You know what i mean?

Like wow. I just wanted to get it all off my chest, what being back in the bay area means to me now that I’m not there. It meant more to me than I ever expected.

wow.. i have been in my room since 4 pm trying to write for my Journalism class. -_____-  gotta stay focus…….. or else i’m going to have to do it in the morning again before class starts, which is a horrible way to do it..

SO GLAD that today I got a ride to Target to finally return 5 different itms that I didn’t necessarily need. And I got a total of $85 back in my card. It’s such a relieve that I didn’t end up spending more money than I expected.

Newport Beach hustlin' !

Irvine Spectrum Center! and palm trees

Some PALM TREES! something that I don’t see much in the bay area. :)

And this is my first time @ the Irvine Spectrum Center. So many stores….400+ roughly…didn’t get to go to that many. But it's definitely a giant outdoor shopping mall. Lining in the line for the bus back to the campus…. 

And the last ones are when I was on the bridge on my way to get my free uci sweatshirt… I thought the view up there looked super finnnne.

Mission Peak hike! #bayHype

Some Mission peak pics post exclusive for today before I Facebook and instagram it tomorw! haha.

Easier than I thought. If you’re runner, in shape, or at least physically active, Mission peak is a piece of cake! The continuous incline over 3 miles to the peak was  amazing. I carried almost 2 liters of bottle water and other stuff to add some more weights to my body too. What a nice workout!What a good workout though :) 

Zodiac sign

okay I’ve found learning about astrology signs is super interesting! Reading and interpreting all the characteristic of zodiac signs might become one of my new hobbies now. 

I come across in one of leo’s descriptions, and before, I’ve also read this anywhere that there’s a short description about the sign. I just now feel like to bring it up because I didn’t even realize that it’s kind of true until I think about myself, “the secret of the Leo is that they need to be needed.” This is interesting to know. Looking at myself, I can agree this to be true in leo’s deep inside! it seems like leo can pretend very well but deep inside actually yarn for friends’ appreciation for somethings. And they will be greatly happier. I think it’s true that I can do anything much happier and more comfortable if there is a following of people who agree with me, showing a sense of support for what i’m doing.

I mean, i’ve always liked to read my horoscope from time to time to check for guidelines when i’m in doubts. I’ve always thought it’s fun that not only understanding our own personality helps us to discover our purpose in life, helps to bring out our suppressed desires and wishes and but also we learn our strengths and weaknesses. NOT just only mine but also helps in knowing the better side my lovers and friends and the person who I just recently meet, and find out the reasons why they behave differently to a given situation. I found things interesting reading the signs of the people that I care about, I get to learn about their personality types and it helps me understand more about them. Helps me understand how to interact with certain signs and tells a lot when I’m curious of that one person, and it helps me to know what I should do around that person when I feel the need to be closer to that person.

You just get to know a little more about themselves in general before meeting them further more. Each sun sign tells information about the unique personality of an individual and has specific personality traits that tell who the person is like and the type of emotions they are likely to display! I think to figure a person out by understanding enough analysis of a sign is just entertaining at some times.

Late night workout

''Awww yeaaaa, I'm so drenched in my own sweat! Feeling wet, everyday. 

I took this before jumping into shower to get my sweat off. I've honestly preferred running outdoor and don't really like to run on treadmill but I procrastinated going out tonight so I didn't head to the gym until late around 9pm. 

I did cycling that burned about 300 cals, and a 3.2 easy run that burned about 400 cals. Not going to lie, I get so tired after running/jogging for a so damn long time... and the treadmill just sucks! I can't really stand running at the same time I'm staying in the same spot and nowhere for entire whole time... it just bores me big time on the treadmill. But I have to give in sometimes. It's all good, doing at least 2.5-3 mil every single day is better than nothing. Eventually I'll be able to run longer and further in no time!....eventually. 

Then I just went to do my own cardio, a bunch of ab exercises and crunches as always. Don't really focus on doing as much of crunches because doing crunches will only build muscle underneath the belly fat, but will not really burn that fat in lower abdominals directly. And for my lower abdomen I always try to include the knee-up overhead press with weights and leg raises. Doing planks every single day is a must... But to actually burn the fat in my lower stomach, I still best rely on cardio and running that raise my heart rate!

picture collage @ Sac State!

First time making a collage with 6+ pictures random~! it was a REALLY FUNNY night @ Sac sate though!!!!! need to remember this. I will miss it :\

SUMMER 2013 Has just begun to use Blog spot!!

Some old posts from way earlier back in 2012 on here can be found, that is because I was... copying and pasting some of the old posts I posted on tumblr onto here!  I wish i had started this blog earlier like I've started blogging casual things on tumblr since 2009!! I was trying to transfer Tumblr posts to another blog. But then I really have to say how stupid is that....gave up. What is wrong with starting new?  So now cheers to the new beginning of a life in a new school environment, UCI as I begin this new spot here. (still have 3 more weeks until I move in actually) Summer is coming to an end. This is becoming more official now. And I now realize that i shall just start updating BlogSpot and Wordpress as I normally update my tumblr blog. And what I've been doing as a routine that I'm only proud of is probably working out HARD everyday. I might as well start keeping a journal of my exercises. Never a dull thing to do either! 

girly stuff :)

I was trying out a photo editing app, then here are two photos of my painted nails turned out.

I always like to wear this nail polish. Not very bright and simply plain. it’s low-key and pretty… It makes me feel more like a lady. if I wear this nail polish color on my nails around you.. It means that i really like you. :) 

Feels so bloated

feels so bloated

This late-night cravings still won’t leave me alone! I srsly can’t help to think that I have a huge problem. it’s been like this all week, every night I’ve been trying to sleep, then the craves just occur for no reason. Especially for sweets like chocolates… not to mention.. these snacks are really ruining my body. Those extra calories… are hard to burn off during past midnight too. I’m just trying to get more fit and be healthy. I love my body but my face is looking chubby as hell lately. I’m still figuring out what’s wrong with my face. it feels so bloated the past few days I woke up in the morning and throughout the whole day. And that’s been annoying me actually. it’s not even cute. Even though I drink plenty of water, it still doesn’t reduce that puffiness and still doesn’t fill my stomach up.

The only reason I can think of why my face is appearing so bloated and puffed-up is drinking too much alcohol.. OR it’s because of going to sleep way too late like around 5 am.

that’s why i’m starting to sleep early and wake up early. STARTING TODAY. right now.

okay but I still don’t get how am I unable to avoid late-night craves? Yes it happens when I stop doing what i’m doing, when I stop using my phone, stop watching videos, when I just start to do nothing but relax. When past midnight, what happens is that I would get up and drink a half glass of chocolate milk then plenty of water and find something small to eat. That is not helping me reduce the appearance of my puffed-up face!

Is it a sign of not staying busy enough or what? And i’m surprised that sometimes my body doesn’t want to rest. I really have to push myself and force myself to wake up at 7 am instead of 10 AM then.

5 - 6 am thoughts.... no sleep

I was just thinking…why and what I like about you? why don’t I stop thinking about you every single day? And then this is why I like the most about you. Just simply how you prioritize your passion and dreams OVER anything else that other people might not do- spending most of your time doing what you value most. You have already been successful. you have done it and you’re still keeping up.

I sound like I know you so well, but yeah, I can very tell from everything what i have known about you. You always have “excuses” that I thought it is something else but in fact, you are making time for yourself. It’s amazing how you’ve always been creating direction for your life that you find happiness and passion!

All in all I see that you giving up things like getting regular sleep, drinking, and going out with your friends..etc for doing the things you do that require sacrifice. 

Wouldn’t that be selfish of someone to only focus on what he cares about??? If I don’t understand.. it’s really tempting to blame you for neglecting others. it’s easy to think that if you spent time focusing on making yourself healthy/stronger or whatever to be better, you must not care about other’s lives because you’re spending way too much time working on yourself.

The truth is, to care about other people’s lives like your friends and family, it’s important to know that you need to be healthy, to be passionate, and to be happy with your life FIRST. Then there is time when you need to make healthy decisions. Because that’s how you are going to create great things. you can’t do that if you’re sick, always drinking and depressed… if you hate your life and hate what you do for work.

Some people might not understand and think that contributing to others means that you need to neglect yourself. That’s just “the butterfly effect.”

I learned the truth when you figure out your health, your work, your passion, you will AFFECT and infect everyone around you with your strength and positivity. People will actually look to you for lifting themselves up. And this is what HE has been affecting me lately, also i’m sure many others around him. I’m Not embarrassed to say that, it has been a motivation to do something that benefits myself daily.

The ones who want to pull you back down probably don’t need to be your friends anyway.

If you want to create great things with your life, if you want to create great things for others, you need to create greatness in YOURSELF first. you need to care, love your body and put work in yourself FIRST before you can do the same for other people.

You have your own values and, you would start saying “NO” to opportunities that pull you away from what is most important to you in your life. This is what i like about you… it’s why I’m always thinking about you when I’m expecting you to be here while you’re staying at home rest.

This is number one priority.

I swear, this is quite a meaningful post i ever write/ramble on about a guy. it’s almost 6 am now…. my late night/early morning problem…

I can't wait to...

I can’t wait to…

I can’t wait to move on and move FOREWORD. it has been a long summer without you since last month. But it’s okay. it’s really fine, even though I felt a little disappointed for once or twice. Maybe the next ones i’ll get used to it.

For me, disappointment is one of the most uncomfortable feelings. It can ripple through to the core of who you are. Sometimes the feeling contains other emotions like sadness, sometimes hurt, annoyed and anger. But it’s actually way different than anger. In most cases, It really just feeling sad and let down, but at the same time it’s a realization of the reality or shit. (really just making it up) And that I stop and never expect more from whom i’m disappointed by.

“Don’t expect too much and you won’t be disappointed.” Now it’s time to realize, and think that it’s okay, don’t WISH too much and think it may come true to be perfect, it’s not always 100% - there is no need of having too much of emotional attached feeling to the person. We all know in the end, eventually, I will have a life i’ll need to concentrate on..

And one of the reasons that I’ve had enough, everyone is becoming so indifferent and so careless here. Even though I know that some things are bound to happen, i tend to not always willing to accept them. Each time, I have felt overwhelmed by my surroundings or maybe the persons. Each time, I just have to accept that I will feel these things again. I keep wanting to leave sooner than later. There’s only 3 weeks left until I leave home for school. You can do a lot in 3 weeks or you can do absolutely nothing memorable. it’s all up to you. it’s all up to you if you want to make more of the best memories to make every day counts or just let the days passe by with nothing too meaningful.

The key is be patient and practice acceptance.. and we may suffer less as what is happening. I can’t wait to get into a new life journey and grow.

I’m glad typing shit on here help me to get over a lot of feelings.

I’ve been following different sets of workout each day and that makes me feel good and accomplished. After a crazy weekend last week, two days of rest with no workout, I still managed to do Stretch training, yoga, cycling, thighs and legs and a 2mil run at night with my lazy friend all in one day on the third day. Felt super good but inner thighs and quads were very sore to walk up down stairs. Did 2.2 mil in 19 min yesterday for last night’s drinking. Turned out, I only had one shot that did nothing. Sort of unexpected because what was planned didn’t plan out. Now I’m about to go have a 30 min EZ run.

Petaluma downtown tour day

Practically I was a tourist in Petaluma today.
my way of saying I  you & byebyeee. Pics like this makes me very shy sometimes.
But I love these photos :)

Twenty-one year

"Legally, I have 6 days remaining of being underage" -six days before i had my 21st bday.

Personally not a big drinker, if i ever drink, it’s most likely when I am forced to! -hahahaha-

i have already been drinking like a “dumbass” and now the only difference is to be legally drink like a dumbass. I don’t think it’s anything that special, and that there will be no more breaking the special rules and excitement for being underage. My point is just, besides i am more grown and should be more mature, turning 21, the legal age for drinking, you can legally do all the things you have been doing since you were 15. haha. That’s kind of how I feel.

Oh nevertheless, the common practice of turning 21 almost always has to do with going to buy or having your first taste of alcohol. I have to thank a few of my friends: vilai, gabby, tammy and naran and his brother to come out during the night before my birth day and celebrate my first legal alcoholic drink with me. it was a celebration at the very first second of my birthday that makes it special, and to have in front of an awesome bartender, drinking in public. I appreciate everyone’s thoughtfulness very much and I am happy got to spend time with good companies who I can talk about anything I like to.

Last day of my summer school. see ya!

I gotta post this too. =]

My two years here & last day today. I would love to be back in the future summer for a fun, active kind of classes but not really for the school year and a three-hour sitting lecture class though. hahaha. FAREWELL to the beautiful SRJC!!

nearly 4 am right now.....

I had made promise to myself and to one of my good friends as I greedily told the joke; promise the next time I meet this boy, I will make the first move to hold his hand. Who knew that when that day came, you came so close to my face, beyond nearly touching my skin and mine touching yours. Not only was I holding your hand, but I was also ohhhh kissing you awake.

Highly intoxicated mind, speak and acts, but clearly you calmed my mind and captured my sober heart. THough my heart was pounding the fastest, I remember everything. SOOOO happy that happened to me. But the craving right now is never yet satisfied. And I keep trying to look like i’m looking like i’m not looking at you. But I am and you are you are so lovely <3_ <3. I just wanna know you better, know you better. ANd I am waiting for you to figure it out, to figure me out.

Just be happy, and the best.

There is no race to be won, no trophy to be achieved. There’s no person to impress, no approvals to be granted. I am the one in charge of my personal experience. Always take chances because I will never know the good thing will most likely happen to me. It’s just me and my thoughts and my experiences, and my emotions and relationships. That’s it. That’s all that matters. It’s my own life, what matters is me.

There’s no need to fear or sweat the small things. Don’t get hung up on the things that will not make any diference. Chances are I won’t remember bad experiences and fondly look back upon good ones, so make as many as I can.

Just be happy, the best, and just have fun while I can. Feel free and blessed.. Absorb the simplistic moments of life. Slow down.. Take a moment, enjoy the days and time that are passing by. These summer days do not last long forever, just be present for them, and be aware during every experience.

xFormosaL

Happy Gay pride! Civic center.

THIS was one of the funniest weekends ever lol!!! ;33

Everyone was so drunk and crazy. 

Where's the party @

So looks like most of the party people (mostly the boys) are at edc for the weekend, and some of my girl friends are spending time with their new boys. All I know is that edc is just not our thing. Anyway. I’m having to think about more irrelevant things after seeing another friend of mine has just found herself a boy to be with, and I am just stuck thinking about myself and who I am looking for in a boy. Three of my close friends have already got a boy to be with and i cant help to think about myself. I know there’s a person that makes me laugh and smile a lot when I’m in front of him but I barely just met him. Yep it’s the same person I’ve been talking about. I honestly don’t know him enough so all I do is guess a lot base on the few times we hang out. But there are a lot of things I found in this person that attract me very much. In such a short time, I’m already curious about him, wanting to see him more often, that’s all. Afrer all i can say that it is not becuse of how he looks but how he acts and what he does that attract me. I just have a feeling that this boy is different. ha. But sometimes I also feel unsure what is actually on his mind, if he’s serious or “just saying.” I can never imagine him to be one of those typical douchebags. He treats every single person so nicely. I can’t believe i was being mean to him on purpose for fun. I guess that was because he was just too sweet and nice, and always be smiling and laughing. Seems like an innocent kid. Haha. Honestly just full of positive energy and I like that so much. Only there is time that i feel insecure because he might be doing the same thing to other girls? or he might be one of those boys good at making you feel really special. I swear i’d be thinking way too much about the negative things that may not even be the truth, and it’s unnecessary.

xFormosaL

a summer job?

One of my relatives kept bugging me on FB page about what kind of jobs I will be getting and the hours and paid when I just don’t want to tell the whole world about it right now. Seriously, I don’t even know if it is for me yet!! I do not want to explain details about it if i’m not even sure if it is for me. She could just inbox me instead of kept writing on my page. -_-. Jeez! 

so i did get offered a marketing job in my town after having an one hour group interview. Other applicants were all college students, some just graduated from HS. We were listening and answering questions while getting to know about the positions during the interview. It is basically, promoting/advertising brands and certain sales via reports, media& word of mouth. The whole interview and hiring process also gave me a really good impression, and I have nothing to lose. When I came home, I did a lot of research about the company, even some of the employers’ information or background if I can find any. And I found both positive and negative views on the company, but i found the people from the company do have their genuine, positive professional reputations and images. That’s for sure. That’s what also made me feel a lot more secured and comfortable! There will be negative views because the job is not always for everyone. Everyone has different expectations when they’re looking for a specific job, so they may find out at the end that it is actually not what they are looking for. And the job just has something to offer. I also talked about it with one of my friends when I wanted to know more feedback from the people i know. He also told me that it is a good start, and the opportunity is just as valuable as my college education. I really have nothing to lose. That made me feel pretty good about it. Why not give myself a chance to try it.

Getting to know more about the summer job, I am mainly trying to gain experience, simple is that. It is a paid job. $17.50/hr. And I would be doing four to five hours a week as a part time. I am also taking one summer session at SRJC, and tutoring ESL at the writing center. So far I like the schedule that is given to me. As of right now, I still can’t make sure how I feel about the marketing job until I attend the weekly training day. I am actually looking forward to it, because I would like to find out if I can really do this or not. Other than that, the position will definitely help me better myself, improve some of the skills, and overall it is just a good start. 

xFormosaL

I know I've been gone

update

Yeah I have been a little bit MIA, but it’s only been three days I haven’t gone on any social networks. I got messages saying weird ass things, saying how I have some unhappy problems. And it is already summer for me. I should be going out doing fun things because I don’t have school.  What the hell.. That’s because I’m  a little bit busy doing other things with myself. Haha!! Besides everything else, I have been addicted to a Taiwanese drama called “天下女人心” Lol. Oh well. I was watching the program almost every day when I was in Taiwan in December and January. It is a popular Taiwanese drama for mostly older people and for some people of my age, but all ages can watch it. My grandmother would always watch these kinds of drama, plus the language is Taiwanese so I am pretty addicted to it. After I left Taiwan, I hadn’t been watching it until now.

I was 80 Episodes behind, now I am only 70 episodes behind. Each episode is 2 hours long. So besides other things, I have been spending some of the free time watching it. I’m loving the episodes. It makes me feel super relaxed and happy LOL.  okay, I hope no one over thinks that I am unhappy or something. There is nothing complicated about it.

Depressed

I feel pretty depressed these couple days. Don’t feel like going out and being “productive” but just want to relax and figure things out myself. While a few people try to make me go out and drink.. and I am just not in the mood. This is kind of sad of me.. I know this won’t last long, though. I just want to take some time off and not caring about anything for a moment. Today was a little bit tiring, went to S.F with mom and brother in the morning, ate lunch then came back home around 4pm, I totally fell asleep. And i think I got sick because I was wearing no sleeves with thin clothes in SF. Now I got a headache that makes me feel even, great.

crying and hugging my dog

crying and hugging my dog

Torn up and going down. Just had a dream last night got in off of wait-list and today when I checked MyAdmission, it was a “cannot offer you admission” message. Please tell me about it.  Knowing that I will be going to college farther, I will be missing NorCal so much more. I don’t want to leave my dog behind in the Bay Area. I don’t know, i’m not even excited anymore. It is so depressing and disappointed to find out that, after all the possibilities I have tried to go to that path, it didn’t work out at the end. I just want the one major that Davis has, and it does not offer at Irvine. That is the major difference for me that I will most likely be majoring media studies- journalism or economics when i am at Irvine. I wanted to major in communication so badly. Badly enough that I have way to many reasons for it. Wrote my letters to support my admission and even got approval and sincerest support from one of the best professors in this program at my school, I still didn’t get it. I just wish GPA is not even all that fucking matters. I also think about applying and trying again, but I will even hate it more if I will have to wait and waste a year being on the same page in life and not moving on. People tell me I should be glad that I get to go away from a JC in two years because most people stay up to three years. Yeah, that is because most people are unsure what they want to study yet. They’re not sure and they want to save as many money as possible and take advantaged of what a CC can offer them. I think that is so true. And the first two years of education at CC is just the same as at a UC.  My originally plan has always been two years at a CC then transfer. I did save lots of money and learned a lot. Everyone tells me that I have already tried my best, and that’s what matters. But it doesn’t mean anything to me because I just did not get the major I will enjoy the most. Even though Journalsim and media studies major is similar to communication, yeah it relates to music, rap, languages and society, and can get me the same jobs tittles as having a degree in communication, I still like it more that how communication involves how human behaves, talks, and acts which is a little bit of psychology. I specifically hate school at this point. I hate the institution that does not even evaluate how much time and effort I had to devote in more than I originally had during that school time. I don’t even know what i should do. If no one will ever look at me in the eye disagreeing with my decision and say anything about what I could have or should have done, I would wait a whole year just to apply again. 

PDA? control your hormones

PDA? control your hormones

One of my friends recently just met and got closer to a guy through me and my friends. In the beginning, it was just very cute to know and see that they are currently seeing each other. I have also been really happy for her that she found this person that she likes. And glad that the person happens to be someone I’ve known from other guy friends. I also approve this guy for her so she does not need to worry about if he is serious or not.

Okay but I just want to pour something out to say yeah couples are cute, but i found you guys can be way too much. When your friends are present, PDA is super awkward and NOT attractive as you perceive to be. When couples being all clingy in public and kissing and touching each other, it is completely annoying to me when we are going out and supposed to be doing something else. Go to a public restaurant and sit on the same side of the booth, then continuously play with each other and all the clingy shit. It is fucking weird. I mean, I don’t mean that PDA is bad but when friends are around and when we are supposed to be doing something else?? GUYS, please do control yourself..and respect the people who are surrounding you guys. We ain’t at a club, concert or a party.

Sometimes it is just like, I get it and please stop while i’m present. I also get that you guys probably don’t even have many opportunity to do all these clingy stuff unless you guys are hanging out outside of the houses, but like always, constantly and nonstop showing PDA in front of friends everywhere you go? That is just annoying.  

Next time when I am present hanging out and going out with you guys, I will remind myself to tell you stop showing PDA in front of me. If i was be doing something like PDA, I don’t have to care for what everyone thinks in public, obviously, but sincerely when i’m around with group of friends, I make sure when is appropriate when it is not. This depends on what kind of public settings i’m in as well. Nobody would want to see PDA in person every second. 

I just happen to have these thoughts because it absolutely annoys me when we were supposed to be doing something together, and the couple just started macking on each other. It gets super awkward. Like literally. Control your hormones do it in private or in the public places, when we are NOT going somewhere together as groups.

xFormosaL