FINALly update!

FINALly :)

YEEEE. I’m FINALly finished with this semester! Just Aced the golf final this morning! It was the last and the easiest test I had comparing to my other five classes. Last thing i want say is that my golf instructor is one of the nicest person I ever seen! Really liked him :) At least this ends easily instead of being unsure about how I did. 

Now I do not want to stress about waiting to see my grades.

I’m About to pack up for Taiwan!!!! :D:D:D:D Nothing is more exciting than this!!

Being a Dreamer

Being a Dreamer

i swear i have this ability to study (memorizing things) while being asleep… because i get myself to dream about the material………… o_OOOOO… After dreaming about studying Econ…., last night, I dreamed about studying for another subject AGAIN.

On that particular night before my Econ final, I studied so much that Econ was even in my slumber. I swear. For econ, we had to memorize what to say on the essays so I was writing and reading the material for hours that night before i went to bed. I knew I really need to get through it even though it was so much!! writing and stressing out about econ until i was too overwhelmed and passed out. Then I was dreaming about writing all the information over and over again and some notes I wrote as well. I really didn’t know I was going to dream about it. I was shock when I woke up that morning. But can we really learn during sleep? Does that count studying because it was in my dream? Can we really study unconsciously? I heard if we want to learn during sleep, we could record our voice reading the material and listen to it when going to sleep but dream about it? haha. 

There were so much information I had to throw everything in my head, and I was struggling, but hoping to do better! I had to get my brain memorize all of it and be able to apply. That made my brain force me to continue process in my slumber!? I read something says about when we’re struggling with a task, it might be the trigger that makes the sleeping brain to focus on the subject and work on getting better.. I never know what i was going to dream, especially about studying the exact material I was studying when i was awake. it’s clear that everything I was working on was all in my subconscious mind when I was awake. And what we dream about are the ones that usually involves some emotional level, and the things that can be really important at some point. 

I still understand that dreams don’t necessarily make sense or be obvious to the awake mind in order that have a learning benefit. But I mean..When I woke up and think about things I saw in a dream…Like I was really dreaming about Econ, I could see the words I wrote in the dream. I was already done studying and sleeping. i’m not sure if that really helped me actually learn but it did make me remember something…?

yeah if you are a student and you want to do well on a test, you might need to dream about it? but the question is how do you know you are gonna dream about it. the answer is probably to get really really exhausted and study very very crazily hard, cramming, you know you really shouldn’t cram but you have no choice that you really need to get through this before sleep. funny i was just weird out by dreams and now i’m writing about it. But I dream every single day !!

Hard

Hard

It’s more and more difficult every school year, and I wonder which year in the future will get easier. I feel so overwhelmed tonight…counting and thinking about all the points I have earned in my classes….  time to get a little emotional. My head kind of hurts even though I just woke up from a nap three hours ago.

It’s the end of the semester, one week left until the finals. Final exam, final exam, final exam, final exam, and final exams. So I got finals to take for all of my five classes. Throughout the whole semester as classes wind down and the exam approaches, worry always begins to take over me. Well I have seemed to get over with this feeling and of how exhausted to prepare for exams or to remain my studying for good grades.. This workload of college is significantly Increasingly more than the previous semester workload. Every year, it only gets harder and harder because I’ve chosen to take more challenges. It is harder because there are time managing and scheduling issues to coordinate, either to meet with the instructors or to find free time to study, sleep and eat!! and other obstacles couple with the new/higher goals I want to accomplish.

How I deal with stress has significantly improved every year as well. I don’t complain how stressed out I am as much as I did last year. I tend to get over it. If I still complain about it, it seems like I’m just not mature enough to handle school work? I feel like JC has really helped me to grow and be prepared academically. I have given up to go out with friends many times and to do fun things outside of school. Like, I don’t even try to make an effort to meet or talk to anyone socially either in campus or outside except studying with groups from my classes. I know this is only during this time of the year. I have to know what is the most important right. Of course for me, I would want that to be sacrificed. If you want the sleep break from school, then you shouldn’t even go out and think about beer pong. 

Maybe going through all these pressures right now will make me stronger each year in the future. Well, I think it is possible to beer pong if I have three or four classes throughout the semester. I know It is a never good idea to take many classes at once and expect to get all the As. But what only balances out a little bit is I have two easier classes out of five so I thought I can do it. Of course all of them require me putting in my times of being a full time student and efforts to get the grades I want. So there are many things I have to sacrifice, especially to even take days off from work. I’m glad the school kind of provides my financial needs so I can kind of depend on it at times when I don’t work.

Then I’ll see myself won’t have to take this many classes but rather more concentrated classes of three for my major, once I move on from the JC. Of course.

My college application was such a burden to me that I carried for three months throughout this semester. It was definitely out of breath working on how to be competitive while maintaining good grades at the same time. There are times I don’t even do well and struggle in my classes. It is not easy to balance… Plus I like to sleep. I’ve been getting many hours of sleep. Whenever I get home I just sleep, a couple times I don’t even wake up until the next morning…. I honestly don’t like the idea cramming at night, and I’ll never do it after I experienced it. This makes me study after every class but not procrastinate. I hate the feeling getting up early and being annoyed by the alarm and wanting to sleep in my bed so bad. And I love it when I wake up naturally that I’m waking up satisfied…. So when I’m sleepy, I rather just nap in my bed before I study or do something intense then sleep again.

recent update

Funny how it wasn’t even cold in Riverside, and we wrapped ourselves with layers of sweaters and coats -_-….. can’t wait to see the ladies again. 

ugh!! i have so many more pictures in my phone I want to post.. but my phone’s battery port is really broken.. It would not charge at all!!! :( So my cell phone is dead right now. 

I haven’t been able to use my phone for almost two weeks now..  I didn’t feel the need to use my cell phone last week because I was really concentrating on my UC Personal Statement everyday. I didn’t bother to try to fix my phone’s problem, but now after completing my college app and school stuff, I now feel the need using my cell phone. Especially when i want to listen to the songs and upload the pictures from my phone.  ://

I'm stuck!

I’m stuck.

I’m stuck in bed thinking about how time passes by like crazy while I’m living the life that gives me all the ups and downs… getting up from my slumber and before i realize i am ready for sleep again. It’s super crazy that i never felt like i have enough time finishing something that seriously matters to me. I have exactly 9 days left until i’m hitting the submit bottom for my application. At this point i gotta know that there is no such a thing as ‘it is not too late’. Yes no matter how old you are, it’s possible to fulfill your desire, but my particular desire is to be on time on track on target…

The thought of wanting to finish everything as soon as i could makes me anxious all the time, not because I’m falling behind… It’s because I feel that if i don’t do it now, i will be behind, and it’s too late. i am pushing myself but there’s time just not enough. What’s my drive, my passion anyways.. and the reason for life? I want to explore and experience more…. I’m not trying to be stuck for another year or years…?

I believe we all rely on something …. and that is hope..it’s not always expected as well. which I really fear… I maybe seem like stress-free like everything is all good but i really got this? I certainly hope so. I want to keep believing and go with the flow as i focus on school. All these hours and days be passing me by…i don’t want to disappoint anyone especially myself..again.

It’s coming closer and i realize there are certain friends don’t really tell you to study hard and stay focus on what’s the most important in life… i find that..especially the fun ones, some just don’t understand what a person might be going through in their life even it’s already been told. What is a serious matter is really what i am believing right now.. I’m still debating whether i should road-trip to socal during Thanksgiving break or not? This is kind of a serious question mark, since i have exams and due.assignments,on top of that with my UC application, that will not stop happening next week if i take a break…..Anyways. Goodnight .

the mood at late-night...

the mood at late nighttime

I found that I can write better at this time. And I tend to BS on my essay during  daytime. It is just not good. I find that things about the daytime, whether it is light, warmth, noise or the presence of others — they don’t exist at 2 am. Maybe going to sleep early and wake up at about 3 am to write is not a bad idea? Sometimes, I don’t even mind staying up writing and getting my mind and thoughts all down and organized. 

hey it’s the color lenses! :D i think they look kinda scary in person pahahah.. i was supposed to wear them for halloween but i couldn’t..-..-!! i wore some make up for the weekend tho .. :)

TRUE &selfnote

"Going above and beyond what most people do — and accomplishing these things through your own creativity and hard work, not through your parents’ buying opportunities for you, is what helps you stand out among others."

Kind of a self note and what i feel like after this day …

Do not let myself to be overcome by stress or fear.. don’t want to lose focus and not be able to retain what i am supposed to be doing

the most asians gals in 707!

the most asian people in towwwwwwwwwwn! 

i’m gona miss youu gall. It’s not like we aren’t going to see each other. We don’t hang out everyday but i feel like the more you drink the more we have gotten closer, aren’t that true? well also that is when you become more open to people and would start telling Me your secrets, and how you feel about the boys and shit lol.  hahaha you know I tell my close friends everything, and you’re my close friend. And fuck, I need to built up some alcohol tolerance, so i can catch up with you, seriously…  i will think about going to SoCal during Thanksgiving break to see how hardcore you become. But I really still need to think about that. there will be finals and it’s applying month!:/ so i can’t promise you that i will go see you for sure! will still love ya ;)

I need to stop.

Are we both trying to be unresponsive? Every time I see your face, it kills me. you make me think so much towards all the decisions and the words we had before. I have a feeling you feel the same when i tend to see where you are…. i need to stop. 

It kills me every second not talking to you when when i see you with all the friends around us, and when you’re everywhere I go.

Sometimes, a Hello means nothing but it’s a greeting and being polite. It comes up it would not start any conversation either. 

When i see your face, i don’t know how to act anymore, do I just go to you and even look into your eyes and laugh at everything you say and interact with you or do I just pretend that we aren’t even friends. I hate this, i hate that we aren’t like friends, we try to avoid the chances seeing what each other’s doing ?

How i wish that we can be back to normal like before in March, the kind of friends that we interact with each other so much around the people.

Can we just end this and start all over…  

i think if i have a chance in the future which i know i will have, i will make this end and start all over

My GPA.....

My GPA ended up being still low after this summer. 

I actually worked hard and did raise my GPA a little bit over the summer.. but my GPA still didn’t get higher enough to become a truly competitive applicant, for Berkeley.

i don’t want to say anymore about what i should/could have done last Fall/ Spring semester… Especially the first year/ last FALL semester, i only had three classes and didn’t even get all As. I made many mistakes and took one class I wasn’t capable of.

Realistically speaking, i barely have a chance for Berkeley right now. I would say below 20% but…. there’s always a little chance that i’d never know what would happen if i try applying.  Since i can’t apply to tag for Davis, I’m going to tag UCSB. I will need at least 3.2 by the end of the fall term to be approved, then i’ll be only automatically accepted to SB.

The most i can do right now is just get As in all SIX of my classes this semester. I can only get ONE B and ALL As to maintain the GPA for Berkeley, Davis and TAG for SB. 

The worst can happen is not being accepted to Berkeley.. if i really don’t want to go to a CSU then i might have to stay at the CC for a third year. As much as I really really don’t want to stay for an extra year, that’s the WOrst option/choice could happen to me. Plus, my major is not even that difficult. If I stay, then i might as well change to a harder major like economics or international relations.

i know it’s nearly impossible to get accepted with my current GPA, a 3.0. but there is no harm applying it, and i’ll be trying hard to raise that GPA by the end of this fall when the they will review my updated GPA.

Right now I just feel like i can do anything to get to where I want to be. i’m taking 6 classes this fall, including an one unit class. Y’all might think that it’s dumb to take so many classes at once and expect to get all As. But i”m pretty determined to do that. I’m aiming for all As. i can’t guarantee to get the A in Economy though. I’m definitely going to be spending most of time in that class and putting in a significant amount of time start whipping out all A’s. studying my butt off, for sure

It's teaway LOVE!!!!

0_0 I need to cut my bangs tomorrow! they’re so long..-.-!!! #justdoit.

 Herroos! I just done with three of my classes for the…weeekk……!! Feel relieved for a bit though. but I still have so much work to do this weekend. Ergh. #school #nobalance #summer. 

I really really love being in the #library in this campus ! it’s my favorite place. #Santarosa #junior #college

spam musubi at ohana!

Hehhh I’m at work… making myself some #spam musubis to eat!! :P

Giving a speech on education

actually, i feel like giving Obama’s speech on education, and having a little bit of my background in the introduction was really fun today ! I never thought that I would speak like that to a class and have such an inspiring tone/voice lol :P. 

but, never sleep for only an hour again… this morning, I have to admit, my brain wasn’t functioning well like it’s supposed to be.. although i had so much Coffee, there was time when I wanted to just lay down, and I felt so sickly dizzy and like I was about to pass out on my desk during english>_<  And before I was walking to my speech class, my hands were shaking so bad when I was just printing papers out at the library. I couldn’t concentrate. then I went to get a bottle of vitamin water and a little bit of cereal bar before my class, i thought that would help me feel a little bit better  !!

man, i could have done a better job speaking though .. I messed up some words pronunciation because of nervousness  i usually get lol. and didn’t rehears the speech multiple times like I was supposed to :/ it would have sounded like a perfect speech if I didn’t repeat the words I messed up.

but I was happy when people said how they liked it :D !!!

And gladly, English teacher allowed us to turn in journals on Monday instead of today !! because I haven’t finished the reading..yet.. now I have some time to do that over the weekend!

Obama's inspirational speech

is Obama’s inspirational speeches on education a literature??

Someone, anyone, please if have a knowledge and pretty sure about the answer,

should let me know..
i’ve been trying to figure out if it’s literature or not.

it’s sort of tough to think if it is or not right now..:/

Because some people I asked said they’re not even sure,

and some people said it can be and it can’t..

One of the example of his speech:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ryEE8U9EKU&feature=related

By definition and in general, a literature is written… like Shakespeare’s poetries.

And lyrics..screenplays… Journals and biographies..etc.

In like oral interpretation or performance of literature that could express thoughts, emotions, ideas and purpose of the author!

Can a speech like that delivered by Obama consider a literature …??

Those sort of speech on education aren’t really written…although he did publish a few of his written books, memoirs and autobiographies.

but i’m looking for his speeches, specifically, like that on education…..

i would ask my teacher, but I have to wait until Monday. .

i'm dreading.....

I don’t know when I will go log on my school cubby and check this grade. I have a feeling that I don’t get the grade that I was expecting, and it will lower my GPA. When my friend said the grade is in our cubby, I was scared to go check, because I know if it’s not the grade that I expected, it will ruin my day. Not just a day though.. I would become really depressed and all go down hill for me.  I would realize, then, my GPA would be that low, how would I apply to my top choice of the college with that GPA. I would feel like giving up even though I know that I shouldn’t and i won’t.

Knowing that, although I have a chance and room in my class schedule to retake the same 3 unit class and get an A with the same teacher next semester, it would be adding one more class to 6 classes/16 units. That would be so much..? I feel like if I really have to, I will do it, and then get all the As I need.

I really don’t know what grade I have in this class. I just know that, right now i can’t  accept myself seeing the lower grade than I was expecting to get. He never responded to my last email, which I wrote about my grade is 2% away from the next grade I really need.. I didn’t only write that, yes I need that 2% of the grade I couldn’t earn, but I also wrote paragraphs of other things to express all my desires for the better. A whole bunch of good reasons for him to agree with me and consider the 2%.  Wishing that he will kindly help me to raise my GPA.  I hate that, it’s all because of the tardiness that didn’t award me extra points. It’s all those small things that can make a big difference. In this case, it’s all the small imperfections.

It makes me so upset about this class. I don’t understand, that it has to be so strict about the tardiness, even though I attended all the lectures and never missed anything. It shouldn’t matter THAT MUCH …  Right now, I just don’t have the courage to see what grade I have. He never emailed me back, so I really have no clue what he put in my grades report. He might enter the grade that I need, he might enter the grade that i don’t want to see…..The grade is just right there, I don’t know how I’m waiting longer will help this situation.. I just don’t really want to face it right now until I really have to . Eventually I’ll have to see the grade… 

The last names in Taiwan

Never really thought about the taiwanese last names.. but the taiwanese people i know, do have these specific last names! so when i see these last names, I usually would think they’re taiwanese too. haha.

Yang, Lin, Tsai, Chen, Fan, Tseng, Wang, Lai, Weng, Cai, Chu, Chiu,
Chang, Zhou, Sun, Liu, Huang, Luo, Chien, Chou, Sun, Hu, Hsieh… are all Taiwanese last names.

I wish my last name was “Lin.” hahahaha.

My last name, Lan, is already a rare name in Taiwan but it is a taiwanese last name though. Er,  i hate that my last name isn’t a common Taiwanese name that can obviously get recognized 

wisdom teeth pulled

Since they put me to sleep and numbed my mouth before I was getting two of my wisdom teeth removed this morning, I haven’t been allowed to eat anything. And I have been having a difficult time drinking too. Their procedure in novato was so stupid that it’s causing me a lot of pain after the numbing is gone. Last time I pulled my upper wisdom teeth in petaluma, they didn’t put me into sleep and I was so fine after a couple hours and still went out and do specific intense things! This time after my extraction.. I went to work, and my mouth and my jar are seriously so BANGED! it was so terrible not being able to eat anything.. 7 hours later…i thought i will be able to finally eat my food without any pain while the numbing is slowly going away, but I start to feel the severe ,terrible pain in my mouth and my jar or my teeth when I try to bite down food. -___- i also feel a sore throat when I swallow anything or drink water! Ouch : ( although Im ok to eat icecream.. I wish I could eat and enjoy, the noodles my mom bought today..it is so good . but apparently, i guess my mouth isnt fully recovered yet. its so hard to eat, and it’s making me annoyed. i guess i have to rest for the rest of my day.. i hope all the pain in my mouth and my cheeks will be gone by tomorrow.

hope you're never finding out what I wrote (HAHA)

haha, just want to say last night was a fun night…it all started from having kbbq, even though I have to wake up at 7 am for school this morning LOL. We all enjoyed ourselves for three hours of karaoke lol…It was a pretty long time in there but it was never boring the whole time. And that was the second time i’ve been there and i had the best time . : ) have so many stories i want to tell too !

but damn, I wish there was never that SLIGHTLY TINY awkwardness between me& u… kind of figured out you would be there. I wanted to see you there at the same time i didn’t want to ? Llol. it’s complicated . I wish it was nevver gonna be feeing like this, just couldn’t really have the courage to look at  your eyes or anything. uhhh..! I have never been feeling like this in a place like this for a very long time. but whatever … …. ..!!!! It will be better and better with each passing day

can't believe..

just finished talking with my friend in person earlier. shit has just gotten so reall now. lol.

They are officially in a lawsuit and everything what happened to her and what she has been telling me is NOT a prank or a joke . lol. . I doubted her words the first time when she was telling me what’s been happening via text messages,  I couldn’t even believe it from my own view….But now after actually seeing her and talking with her, I finally can understand the side of her story…and how much it means to her. .  I’m pretty shocked and now aware of what’s been happening.. and will be alert at work in the coming future even though this is something so out of the blue… . Like i could have never had any thoughts on that.

Yesterday I still went to ohana to buy food and it felt some awkward walking in as i was trying so hard to act normal like i don’t know what happened… I’m wondering what the situation is going to be like when I have work this friday. . Oh jesus… awkward and weird… . I think I can still act like i don’t know anything around him. But i might think a lot to myself during work though … i don’t think I will have those kind of conversation with my boss like before anymore.. I think as much he has been treating me as an employee and I have respected him as a boss…generally i don’t really have any problems with him. As long he can just keep his things to himself and never cross the line like he did to my friend…, as long as I can get my paychecks and work in the same, comfortable and safe environment, i won’t say i’m leaving just yet but I will be fine with it .. I just won’t really laugh with you that much i gueess. just saying though, i’m pretty grossed out at his behavior to my friend. . I personally do hate it. . all the costs are like a lot of troubles.. all the ish my friend now has to be going through is really tough . especially the part being emotionally damaged… .!  even though there isn’t anything i can do to change anything, he will be paying for everything what he’s done eventually. 

instagram new!

Just made myself an instagram! and go see my very first instgram picture. (muhahaha)
So i guess. . follow @justgowiththefo on instagram? #teamandroid . .

starting something different?

i feel like tumblr is not as private as it was back in the days when I first made it . . :S i can’t even write whatever personal stuff without any concerns. more and more friends from like.. facebook that i might talk to on a regular basis are on tumblr. 

just trying out blogspot from now on as I update posts on tumblr. :) Plus this is probably a lot more official as a blogger..

something that no one really understands!

how should i start this … ? so i just took a three hours of nap before I was talking to somebody unexpected on the phone. I answered the call and i really really didn’t know how I should act to it at first. i said how all my friends took it as a bunch of jokes to laugh about since they all told me how funny it was when all of us behaved like we’re just having a lot of fun and messing around…. but yeah .. i should be feeling like crap because on the other hand, in reality, no one knows we were’nt supposed to let this happen by ourselves. there were no one else watching out for us…but be glad that it is not as a serious mistake like it is going to effect someone else’s life in a bad way. .

I sort of just trying to forget about it since i really can”t do anything except for accepting the apology and move on!! i mean we should be glad that nothing big mistakes were being made. we could just keep it to ourselves and talk it out like everything will be alright as i promise to ya. I feel good about how you take responsibility for your actions though. which it differentiates how i see you from the others!  you totally made me feel better about it. there is nothing for me to be unpleasant about u tbh! so i promise that you deserve what you ask for!

i was just texting w/ one of my friend after i took the nap .. I told her about what exactly happened that i got the call. I promise that she is the only person who knows about everything that I remember.

I just started to think very hard… . i feel very sorry letting you to deal with it, i do wish i could do something to make you feel better, which i will do . As I said i had a lot of fun overall with my friends and that,  i do regret it..i hope you know i do.., eh.. you probably don’t know because it didn’t say much ..hmm but i said that it is totally wrong.  I said it’s more of my fault to approach that line when the alcohol started to do its tricks.  … and yeah . . it’s the alcohol like you said. but regardless, we had a good  conclusion about what we will be facing in the future! like you said you know there will be a lot of more chances in the future so it’s good that you cleared it outt!  i’m really appropriated everything to be honest.  what is left for me to think about is that… what is the point of even saving the number after deciding to forget ..