Torn up and going down. Just had a dream last night got in off of wait-list and today when I checked MyAdmission, it was a “cannot offer you admission” message. Please tell me about it. Knowing that I will be going to college farther, I will be missing NorCal so much more. I don’t want to leave my dog behind in the Bay Area. I don’t know, i’m not even excited anymore. It is so depressing and disappointed to find out that, after all the possibilities I have tried to go to that path, it didn’t work out at the end. I just want the one major that Davis has, and it does not offer at Irvine. That is the major difference for me that I will most likely be majoring media studies- journalism or economics when i am at Irvine. I wanted to major in communication so badly. Badly enough that I have way to many reasons for it. Wrote my letters to support my admission and even got approval and sincerest support from one of the best professors in this program at my school, I still didn’t get it. I just wish GPA is not even all that fucking matters. I also think about applying and trying again, but I will even hate it more if I will have to wait and waste a year being on the same page in life and not moving on. People tell me I should be glad that I get to go away from a JC in two years because most people stay up to three years. Yeah, that is because most people are unsure what they want to study yet. They’re not sure and they want to save as many money as possible and take advantaged of what a CC can offer them. I think that is so true. And the first two years of education at CC is just the same as at a UC. My originally plan has always been two years at a CC then transfer. I did save lots of money and learned a lot. Everyone tells me that I have already tried my best, and that’s what matters. But it doesn’t mean anything to me because I just did not get the major I will enjoy the most. Even though Journalsim and media studies major is similar to communication, yeah it relates to music, rap, languages and society, and can get me the same jobs tittles as having a degree in communication, I still like it more that how communication involves how human behaves, talks, and acts which is a little bit of psychology. I specifically hate school at this point. I hate the institution that does not even evaluate how much time and effort I had to devote in more than I originally had during that school time. I don’t even know what i should do. If no one will ever look at me in the eye disagreeing with my decision and say anything about what I could have or should have done, I would wait a whole year just to apply again.
Thursday, May 30, 2013
PDA? control your hormones
One of my friends recently just met and got closer to a guy through me and my friends. In the beginning, it was just very cute to know and see that they are currently seeing each other. I have also been really happy for her that she found this person that she likes. And glad that the person happens to be someone I’ve known from other guy friends. I also approve this guy for her so she does not need to worry about if he is serious or not.
Okay but I just want to pour something out to say yeah couples are cute, but i found you guys can be way too much. When your friends are present, PDA is super awkward and NOT attractive as you perceive to be. When couples being all clingy in public and kissing and touching each other, it is completely annoying to me when we are going out and supposed to be doing something else. Go to a public restaurant and sit on the same side of the booth, then continuously play with each other and all the clingy shit. It is fucking weird. I mean, I don’t mean that PDA is bad but when friends are around and when we are supposed to be doing something else?? GUYS, please do control yourself..and respect the people who are surrounding you guys. We ain’t at a club, concert or a party.
Sometimes it is just like, I get it and please stop while i’m present. I also get that you guys probably don’t even have many opportunity to do all these clingy stuff unless you guys are hanging out outside of the houses, but like always, constantly and nonstop showing PDA in front of friends everywhere you go? That is just annoying.
Next time when I am present hanging out and going out with you guys, I will remind myself to tell you stop showing PDA in front of me. If i was be doing something like PDA, I don’t have to care for what everyone thinks in public, obviously, but sincerely when i’m around with group of friends, I make sure when is appropriate when it is not. This depends on what kind of public settings i’m in as well. Nobody would want to see PDA in person every second.
I just happen to have these thoughts because it absolutely annoys me when we were supposed to be doing something together, and the couple just started macking on each other. It gets super awkward. Like literally. Control your hormones do it in private or in the public places, when we are NOT going somewhere together as groups.
xFormosaL
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
that monthly stomach cramp
I’m seriously having intense cramps right now. For those men who do not know how it feels like to have menstrual cramps when women’s pms comes on the first day or about to come before the first day (pre-mentrual pain?) ..
At least most women get cramps but there are also some women who don’t. I’m sure all women’s cramps do feel similar..but they just have different pain tolerances.
I’m having such painful felt in my lower abdomen.. right now the pain ranges is annoying.. not as severe, because I’m barely having my period, but i’m sure it’s a sign for the next day, uh. .I feel that I have lower pain tolerance in this case because I really feel like i’m having no energy… when it feels like muscle contractions with sharp spasms in my lower abdomen.. and all the muscles there are all tangled up with the nerve strands.. It gets horrible. As of right now, it’s definitely feeling hella pressure on my lower abdomen. Something super heavy in my pelvis and a bearing down sensation on my sides. I can barely ignore this pain.
When it becomes severe… then it’s so much worse than the ”Annoying pain.” The cramps are bad enough that it makes it so hard to walk, and I really will have to be laying in bed to wait until it goes away.. But if I have to go out, or to get rid of this pain, I will have to take my prescription medicine. (there are also many ways to reduce the pain including taking pain killers and may other ways to help women feel better.)
My pain tends to come in waves. I would say that it’s like someone is kneading dough with a rolling pin, but in my uterus. And It’s mostly just for the first day.
I also hear that pain starts beginning of period and last 1-2 days is the most common type. I seriously don’t think anything else works to get rid of my own pain besides taking prescription medicine, that I only take once on the first day. Plus, it is also the easiest way for me.
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Well now I'm finished at the JC?
It is strange that I’m having some kind of feeling that I don’t want to be far away from some people or leave some people who know me well already(or know a little bit about me) Even though the fact that we don’t even see each other any time outside of school, sometimes I just feel thankful to have known some of you that are willing to help others or I share things with when I’m having my most random moment in school. And at least to have the most casual conversation during class, or outside of classroom after class. It was nice.
The feeling that I used to see some people daily or weekly- it could be in class or around campus and library in school, but then all of the sudden it is all over now that I will seem to never going to see them anymore.
I feel that it is true, it means that I am moving on and going away. It just kind of hurts to think that that I will never have a chance to simply interact with any of these few people that I once enjoyed so much in my time. It is the feeling that ” I am going to miss you guys.” and “don’t really want to let go and move on” kind of feeling. I am not sure about how they feel but I am sure they are also moving on in their life.
And, it makes me kind of overwhelmed to think about how I will need to start off interacting with new people that don’t know me, and don’t know what I have been through.
New people do not know my personality, my hobbies and taste of music or my styles any that kinds of things.. personally. I think it is overwhelming on that part where new people will not understand what I have been through, and that it will take some time for them to get to know me. And I thinkthis is why I feel that I am going to miss the people who know me, or personally.
I am just dumb having the mood that I wish I could stay with the people that know me; I don’t need to leave them and move on, at the same time, I could keep meeting new people.
Race ?
First of all, I enjoyed a lot in my first sociology class at srjc, with a wonderful professor. Even though it was a late night class when half of the people tended to fall asleep, I have always thought that my professor greatly taught us more about what I have already known - more of the insights and perspectives about race and ethnicity. I mean, it is just some things that I think it is good to know a little bit about in my entire life.
What is race ? is race real? does race exist? Most of the people will def say that race do exist and it is real.
there is such thing as race? From this point of view, people say that there are different patterns of the way people look in physical appearance such as hair, skin color, eye shapes and bone structures etc. But making labels for the patterns and socializing according to those patterns is a social construction. In America, or to narrow it down, in a public school institution, we obviously have different physical attributes and that can show different races among people. So many questions are raised to ask that if there is no such thing as race, why is there still racism in society?
From another point of view by saying how there is no such thing as race, I would think that we are not simply similar, it is more than just a fact that we are all the same species capable of mating with any others and producing normal, viable offspring. I guess same race means the same species?
In class, we learned that there is no such thing as race because biologically we are all very similar. The only difference are the melanin, keratin and hemoglobin in our skin. That I realize how cool is that our physical bodies are different, was based on geographical places for our ancestor to adapt in certain areas. For those near the equator were in a sunnier, hotter area. The melanin acts like a built in sunscreen against radiation. More melanin means more pigment. And light skin was developed since there was less sun in Northern latitudes, adaptations were made in order to absorbed vitamin D. And that is why the people who have darker skin have better protection from the sun versus the people who have lighter skin. Because in history, our ancestors’ physical appearance were developed in different geographical area that it was needed for them to survive in their environment. And this is why blacks tend to be good at sports because of their body structure were developed as that their ancestors had to have certain ability/skills to survive in a long time ago .. You get what I mean….
As what race is, it is certainly a social construct. It was meant to separate and segregate people of different traits. I wonder how long it will be before people figure this out.
Again, what I learned in my class and from some of the readings, race is often a human perception and a way we identify each other. I mean, sure people who we identify as Asian have slanted eyes, black straight hair and ‘yellow’ complexion and other ethnicities - but that’s just humanity’s way of arranging concepts in accordance to their common characteristics to avoid confusion. I think we ourselves make up this, and that there is no such thing as race from this point of view. Also, what gives members of these races a feeling of belonging to a group and sharing things in common with other people are the culture, amongst other things.
I have learned that race is really not a way to classify people of different cultures, but it is more of a means to classify people that are genetically different.
It is hard to say if Race really exists or not. It can exists from certain point of view and it can not exist if it is in another different point of view. In all, we all have the same ancestors but it is hard to think that there is no such thing as “white people,” “black people.” “brown people” or “yellow people.” I guess that’s why racism still exists.
xFormosaL
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Selfie
This morning was okay. I got 2 hours of sleep last night. I started researching and making a power point all night and finished it before doing my presentation today at 9am.. and got a 70/70 ha! =P
Monday, May 6, 2013
i can smell your jealousy-ness
Ha. I can kind of tell among few of my friends like, who is jealous or who cares and who doesn’t care.
I mean, it’s kind of obvious to see too, even though it’s just a sign that shows a friend might be jealous. There are times when i’m extremely excited to announce something new, only for me to tell some of my friends that I talk to a lot, and their responses would be something like “oh okay” or something just NOT like, “that sounds great!” or “Good Job!” “Nice!” Or sometimes she would hear things from a friend, or even see my updates from social networks, but she wouldn’t bring it up to me to show support when we see or talk to each other. And there is another type of friends that I can tell they are truly supportive and happy when I tell them good things happen to me. Their responses would be “i’m so happy for you!” or anything that will add an emotional support or ask questions and want to get to know what my next plan is and such. And that’s when I can tell who is really glad and who may be “jealous” when I tell them about particular good news about something.
It’s obvious to me when a friend who is lack of encouragement or lack of support, it is a sign that she is jealous. Like I imagine that I am excited for what is about to happen to me, while she would be not wishing me the best and luck??
Just a random thought.
Just a random thought.
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