But so much of success in life is about consistency and routine

The freaking habits that i’m reluctantly adapting to…..

I don’t think that i am fully interested in writing in this class yet, especially when I barely have learned anything useful from what I’ve been reading….Classes, like Literary Journalism, working on a particular piece of writing nearly takes me f . o . r . e . v . e . r….. it’s crazy that i’m forced to be sitting in for hours, literally half of the day spent sitting in my room just to figure out how to create a piece of writing.

I’ve been fully experiencing that kind of life to be spending time on just trying to put something on a paper. Merely committing to putting words on paper during a period of time is not something I’m born to be skilled in. And it frustrates me so much when whatever is written is so badly that I can let no one read it. It is..very exhausting for me. Sitting in the chair for hours….just to figure out many different ways to have my words show up on the paper… and to be repeatedly reading, observing, interpreting, and all of this is like being trapped in a room for ten hours alone, although I feel completely okay to be isolated. I sit around a lot even with hella distraction on the internet and phone, I get back to pondering. So tired.

I look at the blank screen until my eyes hurts. I want to write laying down in bed like Truman Capote, one of the famous writer. The things that I must do to help me go through these process throughout the day I could only make food, walk around in the kitchen and make more food. Eat by my laptop instead of the kitchen table. Shower or shit. Then get back on the typing grind. 

What kind of life is this..

Truman Capote. The author of “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” and “In Cold Blood.” He said he had to write lying down, in bed or on a couch, with a cigarette and coffee. The coffee would switch to tea, then sherry, then martinis, as the day wore on. He wrote his first and second drafts in longhand, in pencil. And even his third draft, would be done in bed.. 

What kind of life is this..  i feel pretty crazy to be going through this life style.. like what am I really doing here… and these famous writer consider rewriting their work as part of the writing process, with all those different habits to get through the day, and that they focus on putting the time in rather than the quality of what they write. 

Karen Russell: “Enjoy writing badly.” In an interview with The Daily Beast, she talks about her daily struggle to overcome distraction and write…

I know many writers who try to hit a set word count every day, but for me, time spent inside a fictional world tends to be a better measure of a productive writing day. I think I’m fairly generative as a writer. I can produce a lot of words, but volume is not the best metric for me. It’s more a question of, did I write for four or five hours of focused time, when I did not leave my desk, didn’t find some distraction to take me out of the world of the story? Was I able to stay put and commit to putting words down on the page, without deciding mid-sentence that it’s more important to check my email, or “research” some question online, or clean out the science fair projects in the back for my freezer?

I’ve decided that the trick is just to keep after it for several hours, regardless of your own vacillating assessment of how the writing is going. Showing up and staying present is a good writing day.

I think it’s bad so much of the time. The periods where writing feels effortless and intuitive are, for me, as I keep lamenting, rare. But I think that’s probably the common ratio of joy to despair for most writers, and I definitely think that if you can make peace with the fact that you will likely have to throw out 90 percent of your first draft, then you can relax and even almost enjoy “writing badly.”

I guess that it is still somewhat encouraging to learn about some people’s routine and their committing to the process consistently. “They possess an incredible willingness to do the work that needs to be done.” Actually, I really think that pretty much explains what it takes to do most anything. 

YouTube: Fly Street Gang- #RTB

Ongoing.. Breathe

It is human nature for us to focus on the negative things. It makes sense to a degree as we need to notice what’s wrong and figure out maybe a way to fix it. However, if there just isn’t, we need to realize that and learn to move on. BE mature about it. How I see things now really has helped me to come to a realization that going too far can only make us unnecessarily insecure or depressed.  THere is so many ways to work on overall thinking in a more positive direction.
Positive thinking requires me to regularly do what I like to do - work and get myself occupied to undo the negative effects. Working out and listening to music always lift my spirt higher. When I go outdoor running though, it helps me to breathe deeply in a particular way. I have always been told that there’s a proper way of breathing during exercise. Since I was little, I have been told to be taking deep breaths through the nose and out the mouth. This breathing technique moisturizes the air and has been shown to be a more natural and efficient way to breath. It is also a common successful way in running that is dependent on the right movements of the legs and arms, but breathing techniques I really believe that contribute significantly to your ability to feel GOOD. That truly is one of the most important part of exercising. It really all depends on the pace vs. your endurance level. 

I have always seen my mom breathing consistently, fully and comfortably for the given pace she manages whenever she works out physically. Any yogi knows that the breath — “life force” — plays an important role in nourishing the body. And I totally agree that breathing helps me so much in relaxing. Not to mention the fact that breathing in through your nose and out your mouth helps to reduce stomach cramps and tension when you run.

If I am to advise someone how to de-stress or improve your general mood, I would say to breathe deeply and go exercise. I promise that it’s therapeutic and very beneficial. Getting your regular physical activity works wonders in coping with stress and staying active. I see it being productive, too. I can’t stop stretching out my muscles even if i’m sitting in a class. Whatever I need do to calm myself, everything I have done really helps to get that peaceful mindset. I appreciate the SoCal weather that it goes pretty madly sunny during daytime. Yesterday morning was pretty foggy but most of the days are warm. Sunshine can be such a real mood enhancer. Just saying. Take advantage of it, that’s why I desire to stay out in daytime even if it is real brisk outside.

My Thoughts Seemed so Scattering #Wednesday

I honestly have been wanting to update blogging but everything in my mind seemed so scattering to different corners. It was not clear that what I wanted to say, and maintain a single thought process. I’ve been feeling empty and at a loss for words whenever I tried to write a personal post. 

I miss the old me when I would sit at home and just ABLE to go on here to type down my feelings in the way I WANT, easily. For some reason, when I’ve been trying to get on that grind but I hardly find words to describe how relieved i felt after midterms. How much I needed to de-stress myself by just being outdoor and do whatever the hell I wanted when i’m drunk.. Or at times It’s difficult to think of the right words to articulate my thoughts. Literally. Sometimes I can’t seem to find the best words in composition spot i open for myself; what have made me feel so frazzled. I’ve felt that I have become progressively less and less motivated in putting myself out there.

I just finished two exams that i had been studying pretty hard last week so i wanted to de-stress. As a result, I did what I  wouldn’t do with a sober mind. Not that it was a big deal. I’m just being human. Being myself being me makes me happy. This week, I have one huge paper due on Thursday which is tomorrow. My peers are worrying about the next exam, and i’m here figuring out what has been going through my mind and how do I start this paper without feeling so negative. I don’t sweat the small stuff. I do not focus on the trivial, nor do I have the energy to. but some people these days…..

 I feel that I have been surrounded by the people that can’t seem to even help either. Some of these people who don’t even try to pursue their interest besides going to classes, staying in their room, on the internet and trying to please others. I promise you that this won’t help you as a better person. 

I promise to myself every little thing that we tend to worry about today will be trivial in the future. To me, it will go by fast, what didn’t go right today that bothers me so much, it really just won’t matter to me so much the next day. Simply just because my life goes on and there’s a lot more big things to pay full attention to. We need to learn to move forward and not stuck in the past.

Or, how else might I fix it if it’s already too late. People will judge no matter what, even just base on what you do at the moment. No one should forget that I am a human, and as human, we all deserve to live and enjoy that moment of life.

But whatever I do, I want to stay true and sophisticated. I’m giving myself time off to reflect or just simply unwind. Whatever I need to do to get myself together I get back to the person I seriously aspire to be.

#SoCal Weather

Trynna get tan while taking advantage of the- @asyoulifeit gorgeous #SoCal weather. 3 full hours of body conditioning with some @yg’s mixtape and slaps lmfao #idgaf #lefttight #myhitta #pattycake