I'm stuck!

I’m stuck.

I’m stuck in bed thinking about how time passes by like crazy while I’m living the life that gives me all the ups and downs… getting up from my slumber and before i realize i am ready for sleep again. It’s super crazy that i never felt like i have enough time finishing something that seriously matters to me. I have exactly 9 days left until i’m hitting the submit bottom for my application. At this point i gotta know that there is no such a thing as ‘it is not too late’. Yes no matter how old you are, it’s possible to fulfill your desire, but my particular desire is to be on time on track on target…

The thought of wanting to finish everything as soon as i could makes me anxious all the time, not because I’m falling behind… It’s because I feel that if i don’t do it now, i will be behind, and it’s too late. i am pushing myself but there’s time just not enough. What’s my drive, my passion anyways.. and the reason for life? I want to explore and experience more…. I’m not trying to be stuck for another year or years…?

I believe we all rely on something …. and that is hope..it’s not always expected as well. which I really fear… I maybe seem like stress-free like everything is all good but i really got this? I certainly hope so. I want to keep believing and go with the flow as i focus on school. All these hours and days be passing me by…i don’t want to disappoint anyone especially myself..again.

It’s coming closer and i realize there are certain friends don’t really tell you to study hard and stay focus on what’s the most important in life… i find that..especially the fun ones, some just don’t understand what a person might be going through in their life even it’s already been told. What is a serious matter is really what i am believing right now.. I’m still debating whether i should road-trip to socal during Thanksgiving break or not? This is kind of a serious question mark, since i have exams and due.assignments,on top of that with my UC application, that will not stop happening next week if i take a break…..Anyways. Goodnight .

the mood at late-night...

the mood at late nighttime

I found that I can write better at this time. And I tend to BS on my essay during  daytime. It is just not good. I find that things about the daytime, whether it is light, warmth, noise or the presence of others — they don’t exist at 2 am. Maybe going to sleep early and wake up at about 3 am to write is not a bad idea? Sometimes, I don’t even mind staying up writing and getting my mind and thoughts all down and organized. 

hey it’s the color lenses! :D i think they look kinda scary in person pahahah.. i was supposed to wear them for halloween but i couldn’t..-..-!! i wore some make up for the weekend tho .. :)

TRUE &selfnote

"Going above and beyond what most people do — and accomplishing these things through your own creativity and hard work, not through your parents’ buying opportunities for you, is what helps you stand out among others."

Kind of a self note and what i feel like after this day …

Do not let myself to be overcome by stress or fear.. don’t want to lose focus and not be able to retain what i am supposed to be doing