i'm dreading.....

I don’t know when I will go log on my school cubby and check this grade. I have a feeling that I don’t get the grade that I was expecting, and it will lower my GPA. When my friend said the grade is in our cubby, I was scared to go check, because I know if it’s not the grade that I expected, it will ruin my day. Not just a day though.. I would become really depressed and all go down hill for me.  I would realize, then, my GPA would be that low, how would I apply to my top choice of the college with that GPA. I would feel like giving up even though I know that I shouldn’t and i won’t.

Knowing that, although I have a chance and room in my class schedule to retake the same 3 unit class and get an A with the same teacher next semester, it would be adding one more class to 6 classes/16 units. That would be so much..? I feel like if I really have to, I will do it, and then get all the As I need.

I really don’t know what grade I have in this class. I just know that, right now i can’t  accept myself seeing the lower grade than I was expecting to get. He never responded to my last email, which I wrote about my grade is 2% away from the next grade I really need.. I didn’t only write that, yes I need that 2% of the grade I couldn’t earn, but I also wrote paragraphs of other things to express all my desires for the better. A whole bunch of good reasons for him to agree with me and consider the 2%.  Wishing that he will kindly help me to raise my GPA.  I hate that, it’s all because of the tardiness that didn’t award me extra points. It’s all those small things that can make a big difference. In this case, it’s all the small imperfections.

It makes me so upset about this class. I don’t understand, that it has to be so strict about the tardiness, even though I attended all the lectures and never missed anything. It shouldn’t matter THAT MUCH …  Right now, I just don’t have the courage to see what grade I have. He never emailed me back, so I really have no clue what he put in my grades report. He might enter the grade that I need, he might enter the grade that i don’t want to see…..The grade is just right there, I don’t know how I’m waiting longer will help this situation.. I just don’t really want to face it right now until I really have to . Eventually I’ll have to see the grade…