Where's the party @

So looks like most of the party people (mostly the boys) are at edc for the weekend, and some of my girl friends are spending time with their new boys. All I know is that edc is just not our thing. Anyway. I’m having to think about more irrelevant things after seeing another friend of mine has just found herself a boy to be with, and I am just stuck thinking about myself and who I am looking for in a boy. Three of my close friends have already got a boy to be with and i cant help to think about myself. I know there’s a person that makes me laugh and smile a lot when I’m in front of him but I barely just met him. Yep it’s the same person I’ve been talking about. I honestly don’t know him enough so all I do is guess a lot base on the few times we hang out. But there are a lot of things I found in this person that attract me very much. In such a short time, I’m already curious about him, wanting to see him more often, that’s all. Afrer all i can say that it is not becuse of how he looks but how he acts and what he does that attract me. I just have a feeling that this boy is different. ha. But sometimes I also feel unsure what is actually on his mind, if he’s serious or “just saying.” I can never imagine him to be one of those typical douchebags. He treats every single person so nicely. I can’t believe i was being mean to him on purpose for fun. I guess that was because he was just too sweet and nice, and always be smiling and laughing. Seems like an innocent kid. Haha. Honestly just full of positive energy and I like that so much. Only there is time that i feel insecure because he might be doing the same thing to other girls? or he might be one of those boys good at making you feel really special. I swear i’d be thinking way too much about the negative things that may not even be the truth, and it’s unnecessary.

xFormosaL

a summer job?

One of my relatives kept bugging me on FB page about what kind of jobs I will be getting and the hours and paid when I just don’t want to tell the whole world about it right now. Seriously, I don’t even know if it is for me yet!! I do not want to explain details about it if i’m not even sure if it is for me. She could just inbox me instead of kept writing on my page. -_-. Jeez! 

so i did get offered a marketing job in my town after having an one hour group interview. Other applicants were all college students, some just graduated from HS. We were listening and answering questions while getting to know about the positions during the interview. It is basically, promoting/advertising brands and certain sales via reports, media& word of mouth. The whole interview and hiring process also gave me a really good impression, and I have nothing to lose. When I came home, I did a lot of research about the company, even some of the employers’ information or background if I can find any. And I found both positive and negative views on the company, but i found the people from the company do have their genuine, positive professional reputations and images. That’s for sure. That’s what also made me feel a lot more secured and comfortable! There will be negative views because the job is not always for everyone. Everyone has different expectations when they’re looking for a specific job, so they may find out at the end that it is actually not what they are looking for. And the job just has something to offer. I also talked about it with one of my friends when I wanted to know more feedback from the people i know. He also told me that it is a good start, and the opportunity is just as valuable as my college education. I really have nothing to lose. That made me feel pretty good about it. Why not give myself a chance to try it.

Getting to know more about the summer job, I am mainly trying to gain experience, simple is that. It is a paid job. $17.50/hr. And I would be doing four to five hours a week as a part time. I am also taking one summer session at SRJC, and tutoring ESL at the writing center. So far I like the schedule that is given to me. As of right now, I still can’t make sure how I feel about the marketing job until I attend the weekly training day. I am actually looking forward to it, because I would like to find out if I can really do this or not. Other than that, the position will definitely help me better myself, improve some of the skills, and overall it is just a good start. 

xFormosaL

I know I've been gone

update

Yeah I have been a little bit MIA, but it’s only been three days I haven’t gone on any social networks. I got messages saying weird ass things, saying how I have some unhappy problems. And it is already summer for me. I should be going out doing fun things because I don’t have school.  What the hell.. That’s because I’m  a little bit busy doing other things with myself. Haha!! Besides everything else, I have been addicted to a Taiwanese drama called “天下女人心” Lol. Oh well. I was watching the program almost every day when I was in Taiwan in December and January. It is a popular Taiwanese drama for mostly older people and for some people of my age, but all ages can watch it. My grandmother would always watch these kinds of drama, plus the language is Taiwanese so I am pretty addicted to it. After I left Taiwan, I hadn’t been watching it until now.

I was 80 Episodes behind, now I am only 70 episodes behind. Each episode is 2 hours long. So besides other things, I have been spending some of the free time watching it. I’m loving the episodes. It makes me feel super relaxed and happy LOL.  okay, I hope no one over thinks that I am unhappy or something. There is nothing complicated about it.

Depressed

I feel pretty depressed these couple days. Don’t feel like going out and being “productive” but just want to relax and figure things out myself. While a few people try to make me go out and drink.. and I am just not in the mood. This is kind of sad of me.. I know this won’t last long, though. I just want to take some time off and not caring about anything for a moment. Today was a little bit tiring, went to S.F with mom and brother in the morning, ate lunch then came back home around 4pm, I totally fell asleep. And i think I got sick because I was wearing no sleeves with thin clothes in SF. Now I got a headache that makes me feel even, great.

crying and hugging my dog

crying and hugging my dog

Torn up and going down. Just had a dream last night got in off of wait-list and today when I checked MyAdmission, it was a “cannot offer you admission” message. Please tell me about it.  Knowing that I will be going to college farther, I will be missing NorCal so much more. I don’t want to leave my dog behind in the Bay Area. I don’t know, i’m not even excited anymore. It is so depressing and disappointed to find out that, after all the possibilities I have tried to go to that path, it didn’t work out at the end. I just want the one major that Davis has, and it does not offer at Irvine. That is the major difference for me that I will most likely be majoring media studies- journalism or economics when i am at Irvine. I wanted to major in communication so badly. Badly enough that I have way to many reasons for it. Wrote my letters to support my admission and even got approval and sincerest support from one of the best professors in this program at my school, I still didn’t get it. I just wish GPA is not even all that fucking matters. I also think about applying and trying again, but I will even hate it more if I will have to wait and waste a year being on the same page in life and not moving on. People tell me I should be glad that I get to go away from a JC in two years because most people stay up to three years. Yeah, that is because most people are unsure what they want to study yet. They’re not sure and they want to save as many money as possible and take advantaged of what a CC can offer them. I think that is so true. And the first two years of education at CC is just the same as at a UC.  My originally plan has always been two years at a CC then transfer. I did save lots of money and learned a lot. Everyone tells me that I have already tried my best, and that’s what matters. But it doesn’t mean anything to me because I just did not get the major I will enjoy the most. Even though Journalsim and media studies major is similar to communication, yeah it relates to music, rap, languages and society, and can get me the same jobs tittles as having a degree in communication, I still like it more that how communication involves how human behaves, talks, and acts which is a little bit of psychology. I specifically hate school at this point. I hate the institution that does not even evaluate how much time and effort I had to devote in more than I originally had during that school time. I don’t even know what i should do. If no one will ever look at me in the eye disagreeing with my decision and say anything about what I could have or should have done, I would wait a whole year just to apply again. 

PDA? control your hormones

PDA? control your hormones

One of my friends recently just met and got closer to a guy through me and my friends. In the beginning, it was just very cute to know and see that they are currently seeing each other. I have also been really happy for her that she found this person that she likes. And glad that the person happens to be someone I’ve known from other guy friends. I also approve this guy for her so she does not need to worry about if he is serious or not.

Okay but I just want to pour something out to say yeah couples are cute, but i found you guys can be way too much. When your friends are present, PDA is super awkward and NOT attractive as you perceive to be. When couples being all clingy in public and kissing and touching each other, it is completely annoying to me when we are going out and supposed to be doing something else. Go to a public restaurant and sit on the same side of the booth, then continuously play with each other and all the clingy shit. It is fucking weird. I mean, I don’t mean that PDA is bad but when friends are around and when we are supposed to be doing something else?? GUYS, please do control yourself..and respect the people who are surrounding you guys. We ain’t at a club, concert or a party.

Sometimes it is just like, I get it and please stop while i’m present. I also get that you guys probably don’t even have many opportunity to do all these clingy stuff unless you guys are hanging out outside of the houses, but like always, constantly and nonstop showing PDA in front of friends everywhere you go? That is just annoying.  

Next time when I am present hanging out and going out with you guys, I will remind myself to tell you stop showing PDA in front of me. If i was be doing something like PDA, I don’t have to care for what everyone thinks in public, obviously, but sincerely when i’m around with group of friends, I make sure when is appropriate when it is not. This depends on what kind of public settings i’m in as well. Nobody would want to see PDA in person every second. 

I just happen to have these thoughts because it absolutely annoys me when we were supposed to be doing something together, and the couple just started macking on each other. It gets super awkward. Like literally. Control your hormones do it in private or in the public places, when we are NOT going somewhere together as groups.

xFormosaL 

that monthly stomach cramp

period pains

I’m seriously having intense cramps right now. For those men who do not know how it feels like to have menstrual cramps when women’s pms comes on the first day or about to come before the first day (pre-mentrual pain?) ..

At least most women get cramps but there are also some women who don’t. I’m sure all women’s cramps do feel similar..but they just have different pain tolerances. 

I’m having such painful felt in my lower abdomen.. right now the pain ranges is annoying.. not as severe, because I’m barely having my period, but i’m sure it’s a sign for the next day, uh. .I feel that I have lower pain tolerance in this case because I really feel like i’m having no energy… when it feels like muscle contractions with sharp spasms in my lower abdomen.. and all the muscles there are all tangled up with the nerve strands.. It gets horrible. As of right now, it’s definitely feeling hella pressure on my lower abdomen. Something super heavy in my pelvis and a bearing down sensation on my sides. I can barely ignore this pain.

When it becomes severe… then it’s so much worse than the ”Annoying pain.” The cramps are bad enough that it makes it so hard to walk, and I really will have to be laying in bed to wait until it goes away.. But if I have to go out, or to get rid of this pain, I will have to take my prescription medicine. (there are also many ways to reduce the pain including taking pain killers and may other ways to help women feel better.)

My pain tends to come in waves. I would say that it’s like someone is kneading dough with a rolling pin, but in my uterus. And It’s mostly just for the first day.

I also hear that pain starts beginning of period and last 1-2 days is the most common type. I seriously don’t think anything else works to get rid of my own pain besides taking prescription medicine, that I only take once on the first day. Plus, it is also the easiest way for me.