Two weeks before Ah mah has gone to heaven, I was told that she was ill severely with her heart failure that resulted her disability to breathe normally and had to rely on machines. Her lungs damaged due to severe infections and coughs in her throat; she was struggling to wake up.
I can’t smile to think about I was not there when she was taking her final breath.
i’m forcing myself to be glad that she is now in a better place… and rest in paradise looking after me. Like everyone says, she wouldn’t want to see any of us crying over her. But seeing my other family cry makes me hard to control my emotions. I’m afraid to go home realizing that she isn’t present like the past 20 years of my life. I will never see her always watching a Taiwanese drama on her TV in the living room..
I pray to her that I miss her and I blame myself that I didn’t keep wearing the necklace that she gave me before her time was up.. because I believed she would wake up.. I felt like it was my fault for taking off the necklace on 4/22. now that I get to cry for what I did.. I bet Ah Mah is making fun of my eyes right now.. I believe that she is watching out for me. Because when she was in Taiwan, she could not see me and spend time with me, now that i know she is always here with me.
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