I'm stuck!

I’m stuck.

I’m stuck in bed thinking about how time passes by like crazy while I’m living the life that gives me all the ups and downs… getting up from my slumber and before i realize i am ready for sleep again. It’s super crazy that i never felt like i have enough time finishing something that seriously matters to me. I have exactly 9 days left until i’m hitting the submit bottom for my application. At this point i gotta know that there is no such a thing as ‘it is not too late’. Yes no matter how old you are, it’s possible to fulfill your desire, but my particular desire is to be on time on track on target…

The thought of wanting to finish everything as soon as i could makes me anxious all the time, not because I’m falling behind… It’s because I feel that if i don’t do it now, i will be behind, and it’s too late. i am pushing myself but there’s time just not enough. What’s my drive, my passion anyways.. and the reason for life? I want to explore and experience more…. I’m not trying to be stuck for another year or years…?

I believe we all rely on something …. and that is hope..it’s not always expected as well. which I really fear… I maybe seem like stress-free like everything is all good but i really got this? I certainly hope so. I want to keep believing and go with the flow as i focus on school. All these hours and days be passing me by…i don’t want to disappoint anyone especially myself..again.

It’s coming closer and i realize there are certain friends don’t really tell you to study hard and stay focus on what’s the most important in life… i find that..especially the fun ones, some just don’t understand what a person might be going through in their life even it’s already been told. What is a serious matter is really what i am believing right now.. I’m still debating whether i should road-trip to socal during Thanksgiving break or not? This is kind of a serious question mark, since i have exams and due.assignments,on top of that with my UC application, that will not stop happening next week if i take a break…..Anyways. Goodnight .

the mood at late-night...

the mood at late nighttime

I found that I can write better at this time. And I tend to BS on my essay during  daytime. It is just not good. I find that things about the daytime, whether it is light, warmth, noise or the presence of others — they don’t exist at 2 am. Maybe going to sleep early and wake up at about 3 am to write is not a bad idea? Sometimes, I don’t even mind staying up writing and getting my mind and thoughts all down and organized. 

hey it’s the color lenses! :D i think they look kinda scary in person pahahah.. i was supposed to wear them for halloween but i couldn’t..-..-!! i wore some make up for the weekend tho .. :)

TRUE &selfnote

"Going above and beyond what most people do — and accomplishing these things through your own creativity and hard work, not through your parents’ buying opportunities for you, is what helps you stand out among others."

Kind of a self note and what i feel like after this day …

Do not let myself to be overcome by stress or fear.. don’t want to lose focus and not be able to retain what i am supposed to be doing

the most asians gals in 707!

the most asian people in towwwwwwwwwwn! 

i’m gona miss youu gall. It’s not like we aren’t going to see each other. We don’t hang out everyday but i feel like the more you drink the more we have gotten closer, aren’t that true? well also that is when you become more open to people and would start telling Me your secrets, and how you feel about the boys and shit lol.  hahaha you know I tell my close friends everything, and you’re my close friend. And fuck, I need to built up some alcohol tolerance, so i can catch up with you, seriously…  i will think about going to SoCal during Thanksgiving break to see how hardcore you become. But I really still need to think about that. there will be finals and it’s applying month!:/ so i can’t promise you that i will go see you for sure! will still love ya ;)

I need to stop.

Are we both trying to be unresponsive? Every time I see your face, it kills me. you make me think so much towards all the decisions and the words we had before. I have a feeling you feel the same when i tend to see where you are…. i need to stop. 

It kills me every second not talking to you when when i see you with all the friends around us, and when you’re everywhere I go.

Sometimes, a Hello means nothing but it’s a greeting and being polite. It comes up it would not start any conversation either. 

When i see your face, i don’t know how to act anymore, do I just go to you and even look into your eyes and laugh at everything you say and interact with you or do I just pretend that we aren’t even friends. I hate this, i hate that we aren’t like friends, we try to avoid the chances seeing what each other’s doing ?

How i wish that we can be back to normal like before in March, the kind of friends that we interact with each other so much around the people.

Can we just end this and start all over…  

i think if i have a chance in the future which i know i will have, i will make this end and start all over

My GPA.....

My GPA ended up being still low after this summer. 

I actually worked hard and did raise my GPA a little bit over the summer.. but my GPA still didn’t get higher enough to become a truly competitive applicant, for Berkeley.

i don’t want to say anymore about what i should/could have done last Fall/ Spring semester… Especially the first year/ last FALL semester, i only had three classes and didn’t even get all As. I made many mistakes and took one class I wasn’t capable of.

Realistically speaking, i barely have a chance for Berkeley right now. I would say below 20% but…. there’s always a little chance that i’d never know what would happen if i try applying.  Since i can’t apply to tag for Davis, I’m going to tag UCSB. I will need at least 3.2 by the end of the fall term to be approved, then i’ll be only automatically accepted to SB.

The most i can do right now is just get As in all SIX of my classes this semester. I can only get ONE B and ALL As to maintain the GPA for Berkeley, Davis and TAG for SB. 

The worst can happen is not being accepted to Berkeley.. if i really don’t want to go to a CSU then i might have to stay at the CC for a third year. As much as I really really don’t want to stay for an extra year, that’s the WOrst option/choice could happen to me. Plus, my major is not even that difficult. If I stay, then i might as well change to a harder major like economics or international relations.

i know it’s nearly impossible to get accepted with my current GPA, a 3.0. but there is no harm applying it, and i’ll be trying hard to raise that GPA by the end of this fall when the they will review my updated GPA.

Right now I just feel like i can do anything to get to where I want to be. i’m taking 6 classes this fall, including an one unit class. Y’all might think that it’s dumb to take so many classes at once and expect to get all As. But i”m pretty determined to do that. I’m aiming for all As. i can’t guarantee to get the A in Economy though. I’m definitely going to be spending most of time in that class and putting in a significant amount of time start whipping out all A’s. studying my butt off, for sure